You are currently browsing Deborah’s articles.
Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.
When a woman is loved well, she opens up like a flower.
- Rob Bell (Sex God)
Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
- Romans 5:7
Phwoar.
But if you are willing to lose yourself, to give yourself away in love, in the service of the gospel, then in the moment of complete abandon, when you think you have lost everything, the miracle takes place and you find yourself – John Stott
I was very impatient yesterday. Actually, I frequently am. But in the midst of it, I tried to swallow my frustration and to love instead. Much, much harder than it should have been; it was the smallest of tasks, yet I struggled. This quote comes from my devotions which I was reading that morning.
Irina Werning’s Back To The Future project
Not sure why but I am quite drawn to this project. Perhaps because outward change may imitate inward change. As the hands of time irreverently mold our lives through the undulating waves of individual experiences, social paradigm and what exactly we might feel next, there is still a world of constancy beneath it all. And that is a beautiful thing.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above…
- James 1:17
‘Deborah’. Not ‘Debra’.
I’m really quite surprised how many people (you know, the official kind) spell my name wrong when replying to my emails – despite the fact that my email, my introduction, my sign-off and my signature all contain my name. Hmm! Interesting!
On another note, I bought a mini food processor today. Really mini, and really cheap – so perfect what my purposes. I am in awe at how wonderful it is. I am also in awe at how much I like it. I never get excited about kitchenware. Or kitchens. Things are changing around the neck of these woods. 
I guarantee you that my brother will be surprised; my apparent lackadaisical approach to cooking is something he enjoys crowing about. In my defence, it’s not that I’m uninterested, it’s just that I’m easily satisfied (and laziness is probably a factor) with quick, no fuss meals.
And to continue with the miscellaneous tone of this blog-post, moving along, I never realised that being in a position of vulnerability truly sucks. I don’t think I’ve ever been properly ‘scared’, ‘terrified’, or ‘fearful of true, impending doom’. But yesterday, crawling up the semi-shady park/hill from uni, I met a kinda crazy guy. Okay, I don’t know, but he certainly had an air of desperation and probably meth-caused haunted look in his eyes. And, with the usual female intuition, I knew that things weren’t good: Lone guys wandering around aimlessly, carrying a backpack, and looking rather dishevelled never bodes as a good sign. True to form, he circled me, and I realised that I was completely alone. There was not a single person in sight. I was halfway up a hill and there was not a single person within a one hundred metre radius from me. My stomach sank. He inched towards me; he went to ask me for something. I politely looked away, as though enjoying Nero from my earbuds was what I love to do. In reality, the cliches of pounding heart and pumping adrenaline took place. He walked behind me; that was even worse. Fear of the unknown, etc etc. And then he screamed. Towards my direction. Screamed with naked pain. What the f. I didn’t know whether he was screaming at my ‘polite’ rejection of his approach, or at some invisible demon. By that time, I was almost onto O’Connell St. I rapidly shook off my ‘calm’ demeanour, hurtled down the street (he continued screaming and pacing? running? towards me) and I ran into the first shop I saw (typically, Tu Yu ).
All that time, and still I am thanking God with all my being for keeping me safe. In many ways, it was nothing. But I don’t do ‘scary’. Not at all. And I hardly ever wish I was male. That was one significant moment that I did.
I am quite paranoid. Not as paranoid as my mother, but still. Am going to say that my paranoia has increased. Probably not a bad thing. 8am the next day: walking down the same hill, this time towards uni. Saw the same dude (early riser?) crossing the road. Seemed much more calm. I wasn’t, particularly. I suppose that this is a reminder to all of us that you can never be too careful…even if I’ve climbed up that same hill a million times: in the early hours of the morning to the really really early hours of the morning! (Not alone, for the latter, of course.)
Speaking of crazy guys (but of a different type), I am quite intrigued (btw not positively ) by one particular jocular Asian guy in the library computer room/24 hr suite. Every time I visit, since, you know, when I began uni (around the 9/1), I see him occupying the same chair in that room. Now I can guarantee you that *no* other uni course had commenced by that date, not even summer school, nor fifth year med. Anyway, this dude is what I would define as ‘jolly’. I do not know what exactly he looks at, but he brings in his lappy (which I figure is kinda strange, considering that a sea of empty computers surround him/why not sit somewhere more comfortable like that enticing sofa in The Hub, instead of plastic wheely chairs?) and will often burst out laughing. Raucously. Apparently, he never feels embarrassed (not sure that this is a good thing – though kudos to him for defying social expectations? Um?). Anyway, at least he’s got surprisingly bright white, malocclusion-free teeth. (And this article is very true). I was also pleased to observe that his hair, (unlike the many other previous times), had been recently washed, lacking its usual greasy sheen.
And that’s all from me. Really really need to study Fixed Prosthodontics.
37 uni contact hours. I am a little scared of life atm :p.
Despite all qualms of having a rather interesting Fixed Pros week (*cue rage), I actually quite enjoyed most aspects of it (not including the time I took my post-hole impression EIGHT times).
^ Peter Alexander Ruffle Heart Sleep Tee
PA gets me so well. That place has the most divine smell, and I can’t resist pinks, ruffles and cute sleepwear (especially if it’s on sale). The brain says ‘about seven people are going to see you in this’, why bother?! But why not enjoy the frivolities of life?
I remember watching The Project several weeks ago, about the probable explosion of baby spiders this summer (due to warm weather). So far in Adelaide, I have killed one rather large red back (in the kitchen…fairly dodgy, imo) and four other hairy looking spider species (appear to be juvenile huntsmans). That insect spray I bought in first year – best purchase ever! And generic supermarket brands, I will stick by you forever. Four years and going strong 
.
I haven’t touched my blog in a while, because once I lose track of thoughts that I’d like to publish, it seems almost false to write about new ones, without the context of previous ones. So for better or for worse, these unwritten posts have been lost in the whirlwind of late 2011 and the beginning of 2012. Being late January already, I am almost against myself writing a summary post of 2011, for fear that I will (inevitably) omit events. Having said that, because I just can’t help myself, here are some thoughts, but probably with a lot less intensity than I would’ve written it, had I not left it so late:
- The year 2011 was interesting, for various reasons. Certain events definitely pop up into my mind. I won’t share them all, but I think the biggest lesson that I learnt was the reminder that life is so fleeting. It was a lesson I learnt not once, but three times. They were all twenty-one years old. Death was not the prognosis for any of them; tragedy struck so quickly.
I think I’ve blogged enough about it, and I feel that any more tears will be purely for selfish reasons. Today marks one year since Pete’s death, and what I wrote six months ago to Peter on his FB wall still stands true. But I think time does heal all…
Peter, I look at your profile, and everything seems so impossible. You are staring up and out from your dp, as real and as alive as ever. It’s quite unbelievable that you’re not with us on this earth, at least, right now. And that’s just one small thing that I’ll miss forever: your vivacity, your moods, that ability to turn most things into crazy jokes. You made me laugh a million times and I never even realised it. And that’s the thing – you’re so special to me that I could never fully appreciate it because you had become a part of me. They say that family and friends shape and mould you, they grow onto you until lives and spirits are so deeply intertwined that there is no separation.
You were never ‘that guy who lived a street away from me’, or ‘that guy from my class’ – you were Peter, an excellent, beautiful friend, a guy I assumed I’d be in touch with forever. I never questioned that we’d be in each other’s life, and however naively it seems, time would forever stand still. Darling Peter, you now highlight the tragic transience of life. The slightest touch, the mere brush of a breath- and then, it could all be gone. I believe in seeing you again one day, and for that, I rejoice. But for the moment, just for now, I’ll mourn in my heart one tiny, selfish bit, because it has been over six months, and still our greatest loss is as fresh as ever. I miss you Peter.
- Somewhere within the last year, it has been increasingly obvious to me that I have lost the mystery surrounding who I am, what I am. It was always clear to my class mates (considering I was involved in ES stuff from first year), but who I am has successfully infiltrated the other years. It’s strange, I didn’t expecting that garnering an apparent good-girl reputation would have so much effect (whether it be true or not). I suppose it’s to be expected, but somehow I am not grateful if I am stereotyped as being boring, brainwashed, or less appreciative of fun. Guess what, Jesus wasn’t boring, He was radical in so many ways.
Furthermore, I was recently told that I am an ‘upstanding citizen’. So ‘upstanding’ that I am ‘intimidating’. Seriously? I am a measly 5’1’’. That comment actually peeved me a little. What exactly does ‘upstanding’ mean? I make stupid mistakes all the time (unfortunately). I am heavily flawed. And how intimidating can I be? Even with behemoth heels, I resemble an Asian leprechaun (:P). I dropped my blazers and picked up summer dresses. I wore a white poofy lacy dress which should be more reminiscent of a giant white marshmellow, than G.I. Joe. I like Summer Roberts, because sometimes she reminds me of me: blunt, fierce/spirited, little and occasionally completely ditzy (or in my case, perennially stuck in struggle town ). I do, however tend to have more restraint in blurting out comments in the open, anyway.
And with the above, I have the feeling that most impressions of people are quite incorrect. I thought I knew someone, before popping over onto her blog, and realising that she wasn’t as nice as I thought she was; rather, she bordered on nasty. I know that no blog is a complete representation of the blogger, but blogs do, for better or worse, shed a certain light on the person.
- Late 2010, I wanted to get out of college. I was mourning the passing of an era at college, in that I would be the only person staying back on my floor. However, 2011 college has brought me much joy and amusement. Dynamics have changed in huge ways, but I really would not change it. Despite the shame of being in fourth year and still at college, I don’t have any second thoughts about it at all. Bring on the 2012 college family (and mockingly-named, cringe-worthy ‘sisterhood’) of fantastical struggles, awkward moments, movie nights, group runs, family politics and everything else.
- I turned 21. Not a big deal. I had a great time celebrating, thanks to a whole number of people for making it a wonderful time. You know who you are .
- The birth of CDF. What a blessing this has been! But at the same time, I do admit that I need the encouragement of other people to drive this forward. I get lazy very easily but am very thankful for Hannah (key founder!), Josh and Katie for leading CDF as well. It has been a huge joint effort to keep this going, but may Christ always remain the centre of our group.
- So begins my love affair with my new phone. Unbelievable. Yes I am that person who usually shakes her head in disbelief at being a slave to their Crackberry or iPhony (or HTC). And not that I’m a slave, since I am a very willing participant. I just need to learn how to hook up my uni email to my notifications, then I’ll most certainly be under the beck and call of my phone. Maybe I don’t want to? Hmm. I think I did spent at least two solid days exploring my phone and searching for ridiculous apps. For now, I am more than happy with Cat piano, a metronome, ElectricSleep Beta and Dental Speak (just to name a few!) I did not, however, dl the period tracker app or the sex offenders notifier!
- I had an awkward moment with a patient yesterday. Not that I let on that it was awkward; when you’re working and interacting with people, I tend to just accept things as they are (including people’s astounding oral hygiene habits or ridiculous beliefs that they hold about toothpaste). I’ve been assisting for my Dad, and though the clientele certainly differs from the ADH’s (:P), people are still people…the mind boggles!
Patient turns to me, ‘So, are you Dr X’s wife?’
Seriously? My father is in his early 50’s and I’m wearing a childish SIDE PONYTAIL which must be indicative of someone under the age of 30 at the very, very least! Funny times!
- One night, I just could not fall asleep until 5am. I went to bed at 10.45pm. Frustratingly, I had the chorus of Moves Like Jagger whirring in my mind. Again. For two days. At that point in time, I felt the deep carnal desire to murder Maroon 5 .
- I watched September Issue and Thakoon uncannily reminds me of one my tutors. Not in mannerisms, mind you, just in appearance.
- I learnt an important deep life fact which I’m sure will affect 100% of my blog readers . Do not wear zinc (even if it is Invisible Zinc) before getting your photo taken. Phew, I know your minds have been blown away. :p The flash will indeed reflect off your face and you will appear to have committed the most obvious makeup faux pas (incorrect foundation shade colour). If you are at a wedding, the beautiful blushing bride will not be the talk of FB photos the next day, more like the sight of your ghastly (or should I say ghostly) white face!
- I find it quite flattering when my parents or my brother ask me for fashion advice (not that my mother needs it at all…she’s innately stylish but just doesn’t care as much as I do).
- The weather has been cold all holidays, and I feel rather cheated! I brought with me a wardrobe of light summery goodness, and now I really almost have nothing to wear; nothing which is suitable for this winter weather incarnation! No I did not anticipate max of <20 degree Celcius days. Last year, I swam every three days (hence had an epic, epic tan [not a good thing]) and the days vomited with heat. This year, I sleep with two pairs of socks and two duvets.
Deborah
Recent comments